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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24753904">Getting to know you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkmoonSigel/pseuds/DarkmoonSigel'>DarkmoonSigel</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Lots of it, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:40:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,563</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24753904</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkmoonSigel/pseuds/DarkmoonSigel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Crowley is a terrible neighbor.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale &amp; Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>139</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Getting to know you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Stay safe!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Not again.”</p><p>Alice and Ted Hamilton tried to ignore all the lewd, squishy noises coming for the flat next door to them. It wasn’t always easy, especially when all the banging made the knickknacks fall off of the shelves, and removed pictures clean off from the wall. </p><p>“Sounds like Angel is really giving it to her...him hard.” Ted said after listening in for a moment, making Alice sigh again. “Finally switched it up again.”</p><p>Alice and Ted considered themselves to be a modern progressive couple, all about body positivity and free love, but not being able to hang anything up on that side of the flat was starting to really annoy them. Oh, and the constant noise was a bit irking at times as well. It made dinner an awkward affair when one’s neighbor was vocally getting railed while trying to enjoy some roast with wine.</p><p>Mr. Crowley had been the Hamilton’s neighbor for years, as long as they could remember. For the most part, he was either gone for long extended periods of time, or just eerily quiet. Much to the couple’s relief, Mr. Crowley wasn’t friendly. </p><p>The only reason they even knew his name was because of his occasional visitor, an older gentleman with white hair. He dressed funny, and Alice and Ted were extremely grateful that he didn’t live next door to them. His attempts at friendly conversations had a very Twilight Zone ‘hello, fellow humans’ vibe to them. Alice presumed that white haired man later dubbed Angel was a hoarder, while Ted went with serial killer.</p><p>Occasionally, they would hear Mr. Crowley yelling at something or someone, but it never lasted too long, and was fairly infrequent. A year ago though, something major in Mr. Crowley’s life changed seemingly overnight, something of a significant manner, as in obviously ‘having very noisy, enthusiastic continuous sex’ significant.</p><p>“They’ve been at it like rabbits.” Ted said as they both watched a vase wobble precariously from the vibration. “I told you that was too close to put there.”</p><p>“I know, but I’m so tired of that part of the flat being so bare” Alice grumbled, getting up to move the vase before they had to clean it up. “It can’t be the same two people. It’s sounds like as many as four people taking turns.”</p><p>There were four very distinct set of voices that would filter through the walls. Two males and two females seemed to be having sex day and night like it was their job. </p><p>“Why are they constantly at it? You’d think something would begin chafing by now.” Ted said, wincing as a particularly powerful thrust made them both jump. The vase would not have survived it. </p><p>“Perhaps that’s what they do.“ Alice said thoughtfully as she studied the vibrating wall. Angel was close. They could tell because whenever he started to chant ‘I love you’, Alice and Ted would have some blessed peace and quiet for a short while. </p><p>“What? Have sex all day and night? What do you mean?“ Ted furrowed his brow, “Like for a living?”</p><p>“Well, yeah. They could be amateur porn stars with a FansOnly accounts.“ Alice was really warming up to the idea.</p><p>“Blimey, never thought of that. It would be why we never hear them leave the flat, and why they get food delivery so often.“ Ted said, remembering some very eventful(at least for them) encounters.”It would also explain all the role playing. Good for them.“</p><p>“No ‘no good for them‘. It’s beginning to become obnoxious.“ Alice gesturing the the now still wall for emphasis. </p><p>“Obnoxious because it’s constant, or obnoxious because they’re doing it more than we are?” Ted said with flirting waggle of eyebrows. </p><p>“That’s not fair. They’re professionals.” Alice rolled her eyes at him. </p><p>“They would have to be by now.“</p><p>“It’s not funny. We deserve some peace and quiet every once in a while. We can’t even have people over because of it.” Alice pointed out. </p><p>“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”</p><p>“Ted!”</p><p>“All right, all right. We’ll go have a talk with them. They’re done for at least for an hour or two, and probably in a good mood if Angel’s enthusiasm was anything to go by.” Ted said, willing up the mental fortitude needed to confront the Crowleys, Angel, and whoever else was over there.</p><p>“We?“ Alice’s voice jumped up a notch. </p><p>“I’m not going by myself.“ Ted warned. He didn’t want to do this anymore than she did, but he was sure as shit not doing this alone. </p><p>“Fine.” Alice finally conceded, the couple leaving their flat to stand outside Mr. Crowley’s door. He had a rather fancy looking doorbell in the shape of a snake.</p><p>“Well?” Alice prompted after a moment of them just standing there.</p><p>“Well, what?” Ted frowned.</p><p>“Ring the doorbell.” Alice nodded to the snake. </p><p>“You ring it!“ Ted said, “You’re the one who wants company.”</p><p>“Fine!” Alice doing just that. </p><p>“What?” Mr. Crowley croaked in greeting. His voice was quite worn out for many various reason, all of which Alice and Ted knew in vicarious intimate detail. Shirtless and barefoot, he was wearing a pair of painted-on jeans that dangerously rode the sharp curve of his hips, a scarlet happy trail drawing the eyes downward. He was lean, looking, and obviously freshly fucked. He still somehow managed to loom in the doorway.</p><p>“C-could you perhaps...maybe...” Ted began to lose his nerve. He got the sense that Mr. Crowley was not happy with them, and Ted didn’t like that sensation at all.</p><p>“Come to borrow a cup of sugar, have you?” Mr. Crowley showed them his sharp looking, crooked teeth, but the expression could hardly be called a smile. “I don’t have any. I’m sweet enough as it is.”</p><p>“What’s going on, love?” Was the sound of reprieve from who could only be Angel. To the couple’s surprise, it was the dowdy older gentleman with the white hair and funny suit. He was currently wearing a beautiful white robe, practically glowed it seemed to them. It had an effect.</p><p>“You must be Angel.” Alice said, finding herself and her husband leaning in closer to him. Something about him was different and lovely and felt good.</p><p>“How do you possibly know that?” He gasped. Angel suddenly found the prudish Victorian Lady within him, clutching his robes closed. Which was rich considering Alice and Ted knew what that mouth could do in detail. </p><p>“We, um, hear you through the walls.“ Ted said, “Like everything.”</p><p>“Everything?” Mr. Crowley did not looked pleased about that.</p><p>“Everything, everything.” Alice said, “We know that you got Moroccan food last night, and you kept it very vanilla until around 4am. Then, a spreader bar was involved.”</p><p>“Oh, and the handcuffs, the padded ones.”</p><p>“Yes, right. Forgot about those.” </p><p>“Good lord.“ Angel turned redder the longer and louder Mr. Crowley laughed. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s definitely you.“ was what set Mr. Crowley off again, Angel glaring daggers at his thin amused company. </p><p>“We’ve been ever so very patient about it, but after an entire year...“ Alice continued, or at least tried to </p><p>“I beg your pardon?” Angel interrupted, but sounded like he was being utterly sincere about that.</p><p>“Wait! Shut up, go back. Did you just say a year? Mr. Crowley sounded far less polite about it </p><p>“Yes, an entire year.” Ted looked over at Alice to check he was missing something. She mirrored the look right back at him.</p><p>“Like 365 days of-“ Angel looked as if he were about to faint. Or cry. “Summer, fall, and winter until spring again?!”</p><p>Yes, all of that.” Ted didn’t know how to break the news gently to the obviously distressed person shaped thing.</p><p>“That’s how a year works.” Alice tried next. Angel looked as if he might come undone at any second. Alice and Ted tried to move away from them as subtly as possible.</p><p>“The bookshop...” Angel’s voice quivered. </p><p>“I told you it was nippy a bit back at some point.” Mr. Crowley broke the tension with a wide grin that was more feral than funny. Ted hadn’t known what to expect, maybe a falling out of epic proportions. Alice had been expecting tears. What they got was Angel disappearing into thin air right before their eyes. </p><p>But not before he yelled “Foul fiend!” at a still cackling Mr. Crowley.</p><p>“Wasn’t that odd.” Was all Alice could think to say, the couple staring at Mr. Crowley. They realized that he wasn’t wearing his ever present sunglasses. The happy trial had been terribly distracting, but the doorbell and Mr. Crowley’s funny walk suddenly made a whole lot of sense.</p><p>“So, about the noise...” Ted managed out.</p><p>“Terribly sorry about that. Won’t happen again.” Crowley told them before slamming the door in their faces. </p><p>The Hamiltons never heard another noise from the other flat again, which was a little disconcerting after enduring it on the daily for an entire year. Alice and Ted lived at the flat for a few more years, never running into their unique neighbor again, or his strange disappearing lover. During the rest of their stay there, Alice noticed that their plants grew better,  and somehow, they won an all expenses paid vacation from contest neither one of them remembered entering. </p><p>That, and they always found a parking space no matter where they went.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! Your kudos stay up late listening in on them. Your comments get to decorate that side of the flat...finally.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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